| Title: i'm so sorry.
Posted: Friday, November 5, 2010 @ 3:55 AM |
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YEAHHH SORRY PEOPLE. i neglected this blog for an entire month. man time flies fast.
the thing about blogspot is, that no matter where i go i end up back here anyway. it's like a diary for me where i can talk about whatever i'm feeling, and although i can't really rant about people i don't like, you know- thats what msn is for. duh.
anyway, this week has been a bit weirded out. got.. my period on sunday, so you know. either way it would've been a kinda 'UGHHH DIE' week. on monday though everything kinda just came back from 1-2 months ago and kind of just killed me or something. basically my parents were asking about test results, naplan and shit like that which i had lied about because i wasn't particularly proud of my results. who would when they got like, national average for grammar and punctuation? yeah i sound like one of those prissy nerds xD but seriously! i was so disappointed.
so yeah.. that kind of screwed things up and i got really depressed about that because i just felt bad for lying so much.
oh! and if anyone hasn't noticed this is gonna be an extensive post. to make up for a month long hiatus and the fact that this is kinda a big point.
anywayyyy. figured that night would go okay without my mum coming in to talk to me or anything. DEAD wrong.
she came into my room and just started talking to me. straight out it was 'why did you skip school in september' and i immediately said i didn't, cause seriously i thought i had a chance. yeah that went on one more time except that time i admitted to it. it went on for a LOOOONG silence after that. the lights were off so i couldnt actually see her expression so i was kinda freaked.
anyway, basically after 10 minutes or so she started talking about me growing up too fast, and about her not 'recognising' me anymore and that she doesn't know what she did wrong while i was growing up and crap.
yeah well basically i cried a lot that night and yeah. the next morning when i woke up i was SOOO SHOCKED. my eyelids were really really puffy and extended to 3 or 4 times their normal size o_O so it looked really weird. but thats okay, because on the way to school i put ice on it to reduce the swelling. someone noticed that and were like 'you either cried a lot last night or didnt sleep' so i guess i didn't do a good enough job o___o
anyway, basically that night i kinda realised how different i am now than when i was in year 7, or starting out in year 7. it feels like i've grown up a lot and i've started doing stuff i shouldnt be doing and that if i don't stop or try to control it, i'll end up as a drug addict or addicted to alcohol or something like that. so i guess i'm going to try and change that? i'm not entirely sure myself, but i know i don't want to have another one of those talks. ever.
you know! it's like one of those times where you just ask yourself 'who am i?' and yeah sure, people say it's a recurring phase during these years, but i never really thought it'd be real. i kinda freaked when it actually hit me because it was so true. i'm not who i was in year 7. well no shit, but like.. when i was in year 7 i always told myself 'i'd never be someone who would _____' or something.
and this isn't even about jigging maan. i've done so much crap i said i wouldn't do without even realising it. MOTHEREFFING DEPRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
okay well. that was like, MONDAY. so i've cleared up now and i'm pretty good. initially my mom was super nice to me and trying to get closer to me and i appreciated that. at least i have someone to talk to now. my dad kind of avoided me and didnt talk to me o___O for the first 2 days. it's alright-ish now though..
anyway whats up with life.. lemme think. i've been watching too much crap! seriously! i've watched so much gossip girl, pretty little liars and EVERYTHING GAHHH. wasting so much time!
anyway i'll try and update when i can, but theres no guarantee. i'll just blog when i want to now :D
